A Divorce Ceremony… Wouldn’t It Be Great?
I have “divorce” on my mind. At Professor Child, we have been working hard to let people know about our new film, Children and Divorce, a powerful film in which children teach children about divorce by sharing their personal divorce stories. We are trying to find different ways to get this film into the hands of children who need it the most. I firmly believe that all parents and children who have experienced or are experiencing divorce should see it. It’s a life-changer. With that said, let me tell you about the amazing dream I had last night.
I dreamt that my parents, who have been married for 46 years, were getting a divorce. I was inconsolable. I felt as if my heart was being torn in two. I could see both sides of their story. My mom was unhappy and I knew the divorce would allow her to feel happiness again. I also knew the divorce was about her reclaiming her freedom. So a part of me was happy for my mom knowing that the divorce would be good for her. But I was so sad for my Dad and for my sister, brother and me. I knew deep in my heart that holidays, family vacations, and life as we knew it would never be the same again.
Now here comes the amazing part of my dream… Despite the despair and sadness I was feeling, I found myself being surrounded by loved ones. We were gathering together with family and friends for my parent’s Divorce Ceremony. Just like in a marriage ceremony, my parents were coming together to take their divorce vows. I felt so much love emanating from all of these people gathered together. You see, our family and friends had come together to support ALL of us. Their mere presence at the ceremony spoke volumes about their commitment to our family. With their presence they seemed to be saying they would not take sides, they would support us, and they would help us to heal. In this crazy time of change and uncertainty, it felt so good to be surrounded by people who loved us.
And then it was time for my parents to share their divorce vows in front of everyone. They promised to let go of their anger and hurt. They promised each other a new love, a different love… to love each other as friends. They promised to love and support their children; to put their differences aside and to put their children first. They promised to recognize that they were co-creators of all that was in front of them (their children, their friends, and relatives) and in knowing that they were able to take their final vow… they promised to love.
Their divorce ceremony became a celebration and a commitment ceremony, much like a marriage, but with different terms and expectations. The ceremony affirmed that their relationship was changing… but it was not ending. They would forever be tied together but would now walk through life as friends. It was beautiful. And then a very tall man on stilts walked an enormous eight-legged beast into the ceremony. Crazy? Yes… but after all it was a dream!
I woke up from my dream feeling like I had just experienced a life changing idea. Wouldn’t it be great if we had divorce ceremonies that celebrate the end of a relationship and a commitment to a new one? I’m just saying, wouldn’t it be great?!